HANANMDNOR
Im vulnerable in believing lies.I make very good excuses and my friends make me look kiddish most of the time.I absolutely adore books and clothes and I often go gaga over them.
Medaniaga is a place where all the Tunas Bistari meet. We compete and we strive. soo, wish me luck. to my bloodcells, pray for me. hope for the best and im prepared for the worst. gaga.
Monday, June 29, 2009{ 5:15 PM }
tak tahu kenapa. tapi jiwa ini mahu bercerita sahaja. tak tahu kenapa. tapi otak ini punya banyak idea. ntah sudah berapa post aku cerita. kenapa tak penat juga? entah la.
{ 4:59 PM }
Once, you told me that my skin was too pale and that my eyes were too sad. You told me to wear colors other than black.
I went home that night and dragged the blade of my pocket knife across the white of my inner thigh, watching as scarlet bloomed to surface.
I called you on the telephone and said, ‘You would be proud, I’m wearing red tonight.’
I think you laughed, but it sort of sounded like a sob.
+
There was something beautiful about the rain, and on stormy days, you would always hold me on your couch and twirl your fingers in my hair.
Sometimes I would feel a drop of wet on my cheek, and I told you that maybe you should check your roof, because it was leaking.
It took me eight times to figure out that they weren’t raindrops, but your teardrops.
The next time it rained, I stayed home and sat on my driveway, letting the sky water saturate my shirt and soak through to my bones.
+
You taught me a lot of big words, like ‘quintessential’ and ‘superfluous’ and ‘agoraphobia’.
I decided that I was probably a little agoraphobic because whenever I was without you, I was a nervous wreck.
But maybe that was just the whole ‘love’ thing and not an anxiety disorder.
+
The stories you told me were always so promising, about little girls with orange lantern cheeks and eggshell lips. You would call them paper dolls.
But at the end of every one, the paper doll girl wouldn’t find her prince, and her heart would flicker and fade like dying lights.
‘Am I your paper doll girl?’ I asked once, watching as you bit at your chapped lips. I’m pretty sure that was when you started to crumble.
‘Only if you want to be,’ you rasped, and let go of my hand that you had been holding.
A breathy sigh left me. ‘I don’t, because I want to find you.’
‘You should have started looking a long time ago, then.’
+
The day after you left, I made a chain of paper dolls and wrote ‘me’ on every one.
I was going to send them to you, but I forgot. They’re still on the corner of my desk, collecting dust beside my broken vase of dead tulips.
I wouldn’t know where to mail them, anyway. Because I still haven’t found you.
{ 4:05 PM }
this song is dedicated to Felisa Amelia Zainuddin
It's so rare to find a friend like you Somehow when you're the sky is always blue The way we talk The things you say The way you make it all ok
And how you know All of my jokes But you laugh anyway...
Chorus:
If I could wish for one thing I take the smile that you bring Wherever you go in this world I'll come along Together we dream the same dream Forever I'm here for you, you're here for me
Oh ooh oh Two voices, one song And anywhere you are you know I'll be around And when you call my name I'll listen for the sound
*Repeat Chorus*
Oh ooh oh Two voices, one song
{ 3:47 PM }
hanan nak meet baby nie lah. oh dye hot deyh. she's in my list.
{ 3:18 PM }
tadi hanan chit-chat sama kakak. rindu. mereka jauh di utara. hanan jauh di selatan. kakak kata tak mengapa. nati raya kita jumpa. kalau hanan masih ada. hidup ini tak boleh dirangka. entah esok atau lusa kita tiada. kakak kata jangan begitu. kakak sentiasa ada untukmu. aku jadi pilu. lidah rasa kelu. hati jadi sayu. hanan rindu sama kakak. ingatan pada waktu kamibetekak. hanan hina kakak. hanan caci kakak. hanan lupa kakak sentiasa ada. bila hanan nangis kakak nangis sama. bila hanan berduka kakak pulihkan pula. bila hanan sakit kakak ubati juga. bila hanan merajuk kakak rawat duka. tapi hanan tak pernah hargai. betul kata nenek. bila dia tiada baru dirasa. bila dia ada disampahkan saja. hati ini rindukan kakak. kangan.
{ 10:30 AM }
kau ingat kau hebat, kau ingat kau kuat, kau maki aku, kau hinaaku, kau kutuk, caci aku. kau kata kau menyampah. aku rasa aku disampah-sampah. kau kata kau setia. aku rasa kau berdusta. kau kata kau dah bosan. aku kata aku setia melayan. aku buat semua untuk kau. tapi kau sampah-sampahkan aku. kau kata kau tak kesah. tapi aku nak kau jilat yang kau dah ludah. sampai kau rasah resah. sampai kau rasa salah. sampai kau rasa berbelah. sampai aku kata aku dah PUAS!!
Sunday, June 28, 2009{ 2:24 PM }
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny That I can't even see anyone when he's with me He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right, I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly, The kind of flawless I wish I could be She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
[Repeat Chorus]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light I'll put his picture down and maybe Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do He's the time taken up, but there's never enough And he's all that I need to fall into..
HANANMDNOR
Im vulnerable in believing lies.I make very good excuses and my friends make me look kiddish most of the time.I absolutely adore books and clothes and I often go gaga over them.
